Weary Wednesday Dump

Today feels like this

All is not well with Illinois basketball.  Unless it’s a good thing when your coach and your best player openly show their hatred for each other during a game.  Then everything is peachy.  <midwestsportsfan>

Here’s what really went down that night in Georgia between Big Ben and that poor, most-likely ugly girl.  <kissingsuzykolber>

Want to see video of Babe Ruth being the f*cking man?  You should.  Here he gets beaned, and lets the pitcher know that he’s a big pussy.  <thoughtequity>

Notre Dame has an unfair advantage that nobody else has.  This being that they don’t have to profit share with the rest of a conference, and they have their own special set of rules for getting into the BCS.  It’s complete horse shit.  But now maybe they’re interested in joining the Big 10?  I fail to see the logic in this.  <bleacherreport>

That’s all today.  Because “$2 any beer” specials poop on my face.  Send link tips and story suggestions to bootleggersports@gmail.com.

Tags: link dump

Little Black Tuesday Dump

Dresses are like trails, they're meant to be hiked

Speaking of trails and nudity: Joel Pryzbilla used to play for the PortlandTrail Blazers.  He might do so again, but first he has to learn to not slip in the shower.  This is the worst shower-related injury since Troy Polamalu dropped the soap in front of Roethlisberger.  <thatnbalotterypick>

Javon Walker has finally been released by the Oakland Raiders, officially making him a $55 million mistake.  In perspective, that makes my $400 mistake seem like a much better deal.  And speaking of abortions, how come it’s always the guys who get stuck footing the bill for those?  I already bought dinner and the condoms we didn’t use.  Jeeze, what more do you want from me?  <justblogbaby>

And since we’re on the topic; is it worth getting a vasectomy just so you can stay home for the opening rounds of the NCAA Tournament?  You couldn’t just take vacation time and go to Vegas, and then look for any opportunity to brag about it like I’m doing?  And it doesn’t matter if you’ve been snipped or not in Vegas, because your name is Lance Hardy, and “yeah baby, I got that done two years ago, it’s all right.”  <neswsports>

Without LeBron and Shaq, Cleveland still held off San Antonio.  Speaking of Shaq, he sure has been staying out of headlines a lot lately.  That’s more worrisome than this new mole on my chest.  <midwestsportsfan>

I never had a semi-attractive English teacher send me naked pictures of herself while I was in high school.  That makes me almost as sad as the mental image of the English teachers I did have taking naked photos.  <bustedcoverage>

In honor of all the Spring Break mistakes about to be made by young men and women all over the continent, here are some of the best facebook pictures of SB activities.  They don’t say so, but I argue that this might be NSFW, so be careful.  Speaking of being careful, these pictures are an STD’s wet dream.  <coed>

Big Ben is in big trouble.  At least I thought he was.  Then I learned that his lawyer is the same guy that kept Ray Lewis out of prison for killing that guy.  Wouldn’t it be nice to be rich enough that rape and murder didn’t have consequences?  <espn>

That’s all kids.  It’s Tuesday, and Tuesdays suck.  So send us fun things.  Send them to bootleggersports@gmail.com. 

Tags: link dump

Shirtless Monday Dump

I think this should evolve into a public fashion.

Some people say that televised poker tournaments are boring.  Those people weren’t watching when one got robbed by armed bandits on live TV.  And it wasn’t even in Texas!  <outsidetheboxscore>

The Winter Olympics are 90% shit.  If you agree, but feel like you need to be able to talk about what happened so as not to be ostracized by your peers and co-workers, then you’re kind of a douche.  But you can still watch this video telling the whole story in 60 seconds.  <collegehumor>

Corey Hart has kinda sucked since 2007.  Now it turns out that he’s needed glasses for the last two seasons.  Thanks for figuring that out now that you’re not on my fantasy team anymore.  Dick.  Oh, and here’s a bunch of “fuzzy balls” jokes.  Because, you know, this is still the Internet.  <morehardball>

And since we’re talking baseball and making crotch references, it’s worth noting that Dodger’s catcher Russell Martin will likely miss the start of the season with a pulled groin.  And that shit takes months of rest to actually heal, which he won’t be giving it.  So scratch him from your fantasy list.  That’s free advice.  You’re welcome.  <espn>

And here’s the new Auto-Tune the News episode.  This makes 10.  Thanks to Nate for the reminder, as I’d forgotten about these.  <youtube>

And because he’s really talented and apparently has too much free time, here’s another song brought to you by what I can only guess is the youngest brother.  He’s just like me really, minus the talent thing.  <youtube>

Happy Monday.  This week we’ve got the start of conference tournaments in college basketball, and the last week of classes before Spring Break for all you student types out there.  Stock up on beer and plan B.  And send link tips and story suggestions to bootleggersports@gmail.com.

Tags: link dump

Predatorial Thursday Dump

A good predator always spots the injured ones

Quantum Leap with Kenny Williams!  A show or movie I’ve never watched parodied with a guy I know nothing about.  Am I crappy at this or what?  <notqualifiedtocomment>

A PSA urging all of us to do our part to save an unsigned free agent.  Sarah Mclachlan and everything.  Truly touches the heart strings.  F*ck those kittens, what about Nomar?  <outsidetheboxscore>

If you’d like to re-watch the most amazing dunk that never happened, you can find it here.  Mel Gibson’s father says that if you enjoy watching things that never happened you can always rent Shindler’s List.  But he’s an asshole.  I would never joke about that.  <midwestsportsfan>

Anna Kournikova agrees to be in Playboy!!! YAAAAAY!  But just to do an interview for an article… BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  <sportspickle>

Chad OchoCinco couldn’t stand the thought of someone else doing a naked workout video without having done one himself.  So here you go.  This clip is brought to you by Chad OchoCinco-”Flapping”-Johnson.  <shutdowncorner>

People are less likely to point out your drinking problem if you do something creative with your mountain of cans.  Here are 25 better examples of that than what I’ve tried to pass off as art.  I call mine ”Passing out in a pile of them in the back yard,” but nobody’s ever impressed.  <holytaco>

Shockingly, a study done at Duke finds that Duke fans are superior than UNC fans, and then men are better fans than women.  And you thought Duke was full of a bunch of self-serving, patronizing, masogynistic douche fountains.  Shame on you.  <thatfan>

As the circumciser says, “that’s where we’ll cut it off today.”   Nothing beats a baby foreskin joke in the morning, amiright?  Send story ideas and link tips to bootleggersports@gmail.com.   *Note* - All jokes on this site, tasteless or not, are the intellectual property of BootleggerSports.com.  

Tags: link dump

Weak Ass Wednesday Dump

Gooooooooo Beach!

The Detroit Tigers played some college kids this week.  In that game one of the kids got plunked by Zumaya and pretended to attempt charging the mound.  Or so he says…. Bum bum bum!  <detroit4lyfe>

Joe Mauer’s MLB 10 commercial is now out.  And you can watch it here.  You lucky dog.  Most people go days without seeing a single advertisement.  It’s not like we’re bombarded at all times with them.  Eat Snickers.  <outsidetheboxscore>

An Oregon cheerleader got busted for a DUI.  And the lesson learned here is that “Sober as a Duck” is not a line I can use in Oregon.  The other lesson is that cheerleaders who don’t blow cops go to jail.  <bustedcoverage>

Speaking of cheerleaders, here are the wonderful dancers of UCLA.  These girls are consistently prettier than the Song Girls, but never get the attention.  Well let me just say that all of them know how to get out of going to jail… <ultimatecheerleader>

I took some extra time to hack up large globs of crap in the shower today, so that’s all the time we have for dumpin’.  Send link tips and story suggestions to bootleggersports@gmail.com. 

Tags: link dump