Baseball is A Game For Dumbasses and Eggheads

You're lucky you're pretty, Atlanta Braves

The game of baseball has many nuances and elements where brain power can end create victories.  On the other hand, baseball is a rudimentary game where you hit a ball with a stick as far as you can and run.  While one group may postulate that it’s a game of brains over brawn, another group may counter by simply saying, ‘oongha smash’. 

The Wall Street Journal decided to produce a formula that could once and for all settle who has the advantage on the diamond, the minds or the mashers.  They sort of failed miserably. 

Their formula gave points to players with college degrees, more if they attended prestigious universities and less if they attended college but never graduated.  The results show that some teams can excel with educated players (Boston finished tied for 2nd in points) while others can fail (Oakland finished with the most points, but owns a 27-36 record).  Some teams make the ignorant work well (Texas finished 2nd to last) while others watch their dullards struggle (Atlanta finished easily in the cellar with only 4 points). 

So what can we take away from this study?  Well, it’s no good to be at one extreme or another.  The A’s have been left for dead in one of baseball’s weakest divisions despite all their college graduates.  We can assume that having that many thinkers together gives players too much to talk about outside of baseball.  They need to simplify.  Transition from Newton’s Laws of motion to ‘hit it where they ain’t’. 

The Rangers stand at the opposite end of the spectrum.  While their rubes are busy with seed spittin’ contests and ogling the lady with the jugs in the 4th row, other teams are benefiting from scouting reports and shifts.  They need to take advantage of the modern materials and strategies available to them.  But, far be it from me to call a cease-ogle.  She knows what she’s doing. 

The lesson here can be learned from the timeless classic, ‘Major League’.  That team was a mix of the educated and the non-educated.  Jake Taylor, Willie Mays Hayes, Roger Dorn, these guys seemed like they had some schooling.  Pedro Cerrano and Ricky Vaughn, on the other hand, did not.  Together, they formed a balance that could win it all.  Plus, Bob Uecker was there, which was good. 

To find the team with a similar balance as the Major League Indians, you’ll need to look into the chewy middle of the education rankings.  There you’ll find the team with the best record in baseball, the LA Dodgers.  Well, not the exact middle, that would be the Nationals.  That’s really a testament that a perfect balance doesn’t do anyone any good.  The Dodgers are slanted slightly to the collegey side, which gives them the advantage of being an overall smart club, with enough ‘Mannys’ to keep them grounded and keep it simple. 

My advice to you contenders who show up in the top or bottom 10 of Wall Street Journal’s rankings, trade with education in mind.  Boston, go ahead and pick-up Hanley Ramirez and dump some eggheads.  Texas, you might want to sign Mark Prior to a contract.  Or, you know, someone else with a college degree.

Tags: Atlanta Braves, baseball, Boston Red Sox, Los Angeles Dodgers, MLB, Oakland Athletics, Texas Rangers

Clint Hurdle at the End of His Rockie Road

Goodbye smooch

The report out today is that the Rockies are firing Clint Hurdle after 7 seasons.  The Denver Post says that at 2:30 mountain time the organisation will announce the sacking of Hurdle, and name Jim Tracy the manager. 

I don’t know if this is because they started the year 18-28, have lost 13 of their last 20, decided Hurdle had stupid hair, or wanted to catch some of the LA Magic by naming the former Dodger manager Tracy the new dugout skipper.

Still, pretty rough that a guy could go from a World Series appearance to a firing before June in under two years.  It’s not like the Rockies have a tradition of winning or excellence… or even any tradition at all.  They’re the only team in MLB to wear purple, that’s their legacy.  Oh, and after this year they’ll have the third oldest stadium in the National League. 

But enough about the Rockies.  Nobody cares about the Rockies.  What I imagine this means is that before the season is over we’ll be seeing Mr. Hurdle and his over-styled hair on one of the networks.  My bet is the MLB Network picks him up.  And to be honest, analyzing everyone else’s decisions and mistakes with Harold Reynolds seems a lot more fun than getting booed at Coor’s Field all summer. 

Congratulations Clint.

Tags: baseball, Clint Hurdle, Colorado Rockies, Los Angeles Dodgers, MLB

Joe Torre Would Like To Rain On Manny Parade

See? Torre's holding Manny back and apparently so is Russel Martin

You may have heard that a ‘Vote For Manny’ Web site sprung up recently when it was revealed that the Dodgers’ suspended outfielder was 4th in the NL OF voting.  Essentially, the site is just a middleman between you and MLB All-Star voting, but the theory is sound.  It’s raised awareness across the Internet and eventually even Joe Torre became conscious of the campaign.  Rather than support it though, he’s more likely to start a site called ‘Fans Are Stupid’.  Or ‘Cats With Bats’.  See, he really isn’t likely to support ‘Vote for Manny’.   

Torre responded to a reporter’s question about Manny Ramirez in the All-Star game by flatly saying he shouldn’t play even if selected.  But what if- NO.  Maybe he can- NO.  How about when- NO.  He seems to have covered all the bases. 

Torre went on to say “the All-Star game is to reward players who have a good first half”.  He admitted that doesn’t always happen, but look at Manny’s numbers.  20 RBIs and 6 HRs in 27 games while hitting .348.  That’s a great start.  Multiply by 2 and he’s among the league leaders.  Oh, so just because he may have had an unfair advantage, he shouldn’t be honored?  That’s pretty contradictory to baseball history. 

Does it really matter if Manny starts the All-Star game?  No.  It would be interesting to see how MLB handled the situation if Ramirez was voted in by the fans, but actually seeing him take the field wouldn’t give me much of a thrill.  Lastings Milledge on the other hand… fine that’s over, but I still think it would’ve been awesome.

Tags: All-Star, baseball, Joe Torre, Los Angeles Dodgers, Manny Ramirez, MLB

Was Free Vaccuum Day Too Subtle?

Alyssa Milano is a Dodger fan... that is all

Think back to the last time you listened to the radio broadcast of a baseball game.  Do you remember that broadcast being specifically aimed at your gender or in any way biased against another gender?  Well, the LA Dodgers likely disagree with you. 

The Dodgers have decided to launch DodgersWIN (Women’s Initiative Network) with none other than our old friend Jeanne Zelasko as play-by-play announcer.  Once a week, Zelasko and Mark Sweeney will call games for an online audience. 

The Dodgers are presuming the audience will be made up of women because they’re slanting these broadcasts to appeal more to them, but I’m guessing the audience will be made up of bloggers who need something to write about. 

You may remember Zelasko threw her hat into the ring when LA was searching for a broadcaster before the season.  Long story short, she didn’t make the cut.  So, forgive me if I’ve missed something, but by pandering to women with this DodgersWIN, aren’t the Dodgers being sexist?  I realize that this site is hardly qualified to throw that stone, but I’m going to anyway. 

The Dodgers are assuming that women aren’t normal baseball fans and need a broadcast that specifically targets them to be interested in the game.  Not only that, but they trot out a sub-par announcing team to appeal to their audience, which seems to also suggest that women aren’t typical baseball fans.  Put a bad announcer on a MLB club’s broadcast and fans will flood the team’s mailbox with complaints.  Why would you think it would be different for a MLB club’s broadcast for women? 

Obviously, Zelasko isn’t complaining because this new network is giving her a job.  But, I’m guessing most women who are baseball fans would rather hear the normal call of the game since that’s the critically acclaimed one with the baseball expertise.  Women who wouldn’t call themselves baseball fans probably won’t listen to baseball regardless of the announcing team and style.

I guess Zelasko should make the most of this experience since I’d imagine it will only last one season.  Maybe she’ll turn out to be a decent broadcaster and take Pam Ward’s job at ESPN.  That couldn’t be any worse.

Tags: baseball, Jeanne Zelasko, Los Angeles Dodgers, MLB

Manny Being Manny Being Suspended

He sold it for drug money, now it's all coming together

Los Angeles Dodgers’ outfielder, trend-setter and grill salesman, Manny Ramirez has been suspended 50 games for violating MLB’s drug policy.  In a statement recently released, Manuelito blames someone else:

Recently I saw a physician for a personal health issue. He gave me a medication, not a steroid, which he thought was okay to give me. Unfortunately, the medication was banned under our drug policy. Under the policy that mistake is now my responsibility. I have been advised not to say anything more for now. I do want to say one other thing; I’ve taken and passed about 15 drug tests over the past five seasons.

Remarkably, that sounds almost identical to every other player who has ever tested positive for PEDs in any sport.  Doctors must hate athletes for getting paid more than them so they intentionally give them supplements containing banned substances.  It’s borderline racist if you want to know the truth.  Those damned medical nerds probably just don’t want to live next to athletes like Manny.  With their rap music and long hair, it’s bringing down the property value. 

I actually had a brief debate yesterday with a fellow who claimed the Dodgers were nearly bullet-proof except for the possible question mark in their bullpen.  I suggested that a team with Man-Ram is never a safe bet because he’s so unpredictable.  He could be the league’s best player one day, and then decide he’d rather be playing in Canada the next.  The argument ended without a clear winner, but I’d now like to say, in your motherf-cking face!

You can steal that line and direct it at the guy in your fantasy league whose team just shit the bed.  Kick him when he’s down, I say.  Right now, millions of people are seriously trying to talk themselves into Juan Pierre as a replacement for Manny.  ‘He steals plenty of bases and maybe if he plays everyday, he can produce in that lineup.’  That could happen, but Pierre would need to be on steroids and then you’d end up right back where you started.

In closing, Manny Ramirez being suspended for PEDs is damned aggravating.  Not because he’s a great player, but because he’s given Jose Canseco credibility again.  The guy is fighting a 7-3 Asian in a low-level MMA fight and yet he’s the most trustworthy man in baseball.  I believe that will be Bud Selig’s entry on FML.

Tags: baseball, Bud Selig, Jose Canseco, Juan Pierre, Los Angeles Dodgers, Manny Ramirez, MLB, steroids