Please Ignore Positive 2003 Steroid Tests

Bend over babe, it's time to shrivel those testes

You know all those MLB drug tests from 2003 that keep getting leaked to the media?  Well today a federal appeals court ruled that federal prosecutors had no right to seize them in the first place.  So not only have some names been illegally released from those confidential tests, but actually taking them in the first place was illegal.

Said Chief Judge Alex Kozinski:

“This was as obvious case of deliberate overreaching by the government in an effort to seize data as to which it lacked probable cause.”

So, acknowledging the government’s complete shitting of the bed on this, I think it only appropriate that Americans be asked to please forget that you ever heard anything about these tests.  As if a national bailiff had struck them from the record.  I’m sure A-Rod, Sammy, Ortiz and Manny would greatly appreciate it.  Well maybe not Manny, but that’s just because he got caught before his name got leaked.  And he probably never cared in the first place. 

Anyway, I’d like to see those responsible for illegally taking these in the first place, along with the douchebags who keep secretly releasing certain positive tests to the media, publicly grilled as badly as those poor juiced up bastards listed above did.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending any of the cheaters, my feelings on each range only as high as ambivalence, but tend to bottom out in despise.  I just feel like the spineless dick bags who stomped all over their personal liberties for profit or political advantage should fry in the spotlight with them.

Tags: Alex Rodriguez, baseball, David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, MLB, Sammy Sosa, steroids

The News Boston Didn’t Want To Hear

Who did you think they were thanking?

Are steroids really ruining baseball or is the 2003 list of players who tested positive for steroids ruining baseball?  It’s kind of a chicken vs. egg deal, but let’s put some thought into this…I know that’s not really our thing, but bear with me.  Some of baseball’s greatest hitters and biggest stars have been cast into suspicion of taking PED’s since their break-out and sometimes record breaking seasons.  I didn’t hear anyone complaining while those seasons were happening and fans and the media were witnessing some of the best story lines imaginable.  McGwire and Sosa went deep with regularity and it may have saved baseball.  Bonds and Clemens certainly had their share of detractors, but who didn’t watch them flirt with records as they improved with age?  Ortiz and Ramirez combined to bring a championship and a winning attitude back to a cursed franchise and city, but now thanks to ‘The List’, that story book ending is being replaced with something shady.  Oh, did I forget to mention that Big Papi and Manny were reportedly two of the names on that 2003 list?  Silly me.  If they made PEDs for writers, I’d be taking them. 

It remains to be seen just how baseball and Boston in particular will react to this news.  Most people already assumed that both players had used illegal substances at some point in their careers, but now it’s clear that both likely directly influenced their play in the 2004 championship season through the use of PEDs.  I’m thinking Sox fans would like to go back to the days when Schilling’s bloody sock was the biggest question mark surrounding that team. 

That 2004 title combined with the Patriots success propelled the entire city of Boston to greater heights.  Luckily for the Pats, no one seems to care how many NFL players tested positive for steroids in 2003 and 2004.  But the Celtics might have some explaining to do.  Some one tell KG to pee in a cup. 

And how do you think Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore feel?  They put their reputations on the line and rushed the field in St. Louis when Boston took the title and now they look like real assholes.  Hmm, well maybe that’s not really such a big concern right now. 

Even though both Ortiz and Ramirez had been seen as possible steroid users for some time, fans of the game have always been willing to look past the doubt.  When Manny was suspended for 50 games, plenty of Dodger fans stuck by him, and now he’s back and he’s regarded as one of the best hitters the game has ever seen.  When Ortiz was in a terrible slump, plenty of people suggested it was caused by him going off the juice, but when he started hitting again, those critics quieted.  What now?  Can fans overlook these positive tests too? 

Alex Rodriguez has seemingly been able to move past “The List’, but others haven’t been so fortunate.  Even if Manny and Papi are able to win back the fans, this will likely crop up again when they become eligible for Cooperstown.  If you’re more into immediate fallout, I do know one thing for certain.  Neither Ortiz nor Ramirez will be making it to Hank Aaron’s next get together.

Tags: baseball, Boston Red Sox, David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, MLB, steroids

NFL Players Doping News, Nobody Cares

Suspensions for doping? What is this, baseball?

Well the NFL Players Association is all pissy today because a federal judge ruled that the suspensions of 5 players for using banned substances won’t be put on hold.  Obviously nobody cares, and that’s kind of the point.  Besides, it looks like they might still not miss any time anyway.

Why exactly football gets a free pass with obvious and rampant doping while baseball bares the brunt of sports-writers self righteousness is kind of beyond me.  Had I not put up a picture of Kevin Williams, could you have named even one of the five players represented in court today?  I couldn’t, but then I have a substance abuse problem of my own that we don’t need to get into right now. 

Now, I bet everyone reading this could rattle off at least 10 MLB players suspected, caught or suspended for doping in the last 10 years, and the impact doping has had on football seems a bit more damaging than the impact on baseball.  Sure some of baseballs most cherished records have been shattered due to the steroid era, but that kind pales in comparison to the spike in disgusting injuries due to the rapidly increasing size and speed in the NFL. 

I’m not saying I want these guys crucified by the media, I just think the silence from those so quick to damn Manny, A-Rod and the like is a little gross.  If you’re going to get all shitty and holier-than-though about doping, don’t just aim it at one or two sports.  The lack of coverage about this in comparison to the still-continuing Manny fiasco is making a lot of people look like assholes. 

Where’s the kevinwilliamsforprobowl.com site?  Who from ESPN has been assigned to solely follow Deuce McAllister?  But enough with all this negativity. It’s time for some performance inhibitors.  Happy weekend.

Tags: Alex Rodriguez, baseball, football, Manny Ramirez, Minnesota Vikings, MLB, New Orleans Saints, NFL, steroids

Joe Torre Would Like To Rain On Manny Parade

See? Torre's holding Manny back and apparently so is Russel Martin

You may have heard that a ‘Vote For Manny’ Web site sprung up recently when it was revealed that the Dodgers’ suspended outfielder was 4th in the NL OF voting.  Essentially, the site is just a middleman between you and MLB All-Star voting, but the theory is sound.  It’s raised awareness across the Internet and eventually even Joe Torre became conscious of the campaign.  Rather than support it though, he’s more likely to start a site called ‘Fans Are Stupid’.  Or ‘Cats With Bats’.  See, he really isn’t likely to support ‘Vote for Manny’.   

Torre responded to a reporter’s question about Manny Ramirez in the All-Star game by flatly saying he shouldn’t play even if selected.  But what if- NO.  Maybe he can- NO.  How about when- NO.  He seems to have covered all the bases. 

Torre went on to say “the All-Star game is to reward players who have a good first half”.  He admitted that doesn’t always happen, but look at Manny’s numbers.  20 RBIs and 6 HRs in 27 games while hitting .348.  That’s a great start.  Multiply by 2 and he’s among the league leaders.  Oh, so just because he may have had an unfair advantage, he shouldn’t be honored?  That’s pretty contradictory to baseball history. 

Does it really matter if Manny starts the All-Star game?  No.  It would be interesting to see how MLB handled the situation if Ramirez was voted in by the fans, but actually seeing him take the field wouldn’t give me much of a thrill.  Lastings Milledge on the other hand… fine that’s over, but I still think it would’ve been awesome.

Tags: All-Star, baseball, Joe Torre, Los Angeles Dodgers, Manny Ramirez, MLB

Red Sox Fans Rejoice/ Be Douchey

I knew it wouldn’t take long for the jewels of Major League Baseball, Red Sox nation, to start harping about Manny’s suspension.  There was never any doubt that these treasures of the sporting world would come to some delusional conclusion that Manny decided to start taking banned substances immediately after he left for Los Angeles.  Never before that of course.  Just after. 

I’m really proud of finding this.  Not because it’s funny, clever, cool, or good in any way, but because when I clicked on it it read “0 views.”  I was the first person to get a waft of this guy’s Youtube queef, and I had the opportunity to share it with all of you.

It’s kind of like when you’re driving around town with your buddies in the car, and you push out a burny-yet-silent fart, and before anyone notices you lock all the windows up.  You feel a little bad for being such a dick head; but why should you be the only one that suffers?

That’s pretty much how I thought about sharing this piece of New England art.  But considering I didn’t make it, and would sooner confess that I slept with a hermaphrodite before admitting I had anything to do with this, I easily defer the guilt upon the mongoloid that proudly published this for all the world to enjoy. 

Plus… It’s damn hard to cover a Barry Manilow song and make it sound worse.  So congratulations bitter, retarded Red Sox fan.  Take comfort that there are many, many more of you.

Tags: baseball, Boston Red Sox, Manny Ramirez, MLB, steroids