It’s A Great Time To Be A Blue Bombers Fan UPDATE

Even his old jersey smokes alot

The Winnipeg Blue Bombers of the Canadian Football League have won 10 Grey Cups in their storied history.  In 2007, they lost in the championship game and fired their coach after losing in the playoffs last season.  Though the trophy hasn’t come to Winnipeg since 1990, it’s never been a better time to cheer for the blue and gold.

Yesterday it was announced that Pacman Jones had signed with the team.  This announcement created a fervor of excitement to explode in the streets of Winnipeg and has caused fans to go completely insane to the point of delusion.  On the Blue Bombers Wikipedia page, a new section is now titled, “The Pacman Jones Era” and reads, “with the signing of Pacman Jones, the Bombers established a dynasty, winning three Grey Cups in four years.”  I actually don’t know which is more unlikely, Pacman being the difference maker for a run at the championship or the idea that Pac will be out of jail 4 years from now.

Fans aren’t the only ones that have lost their grip on reality, however.  It seems the same insanity has stricken the team’s front office.  They’ve decided to sign Charles Rogers.  The former Michigan State star receiver and first round draft pick of the Detroit Lions in 2003 has reportedly decided to take a break from his drug, failure and disappointment habit and join the Bombers.  Though he hasn’t played professional ball since 2005, Rogers has kept up his ability by doing absolutely nothing, a routine made popular by another future Bombers signee, Plaxico Burress.  Reports indicate the team has also put out feelers for Rae Carruth.

I haven’t quite been able to piece together Winnipeg’s plan, but a football team assembling football’s greatest villains can’t be good.  I would honestly trust Ron Artest and Stephon Marbury alone in the White House more than I trust Pacman Jones and Charles Rogers together.  I have a feeling this will end with the U.S. government putting together a task force of football do-gooders led by Tom Brady and Tony Dungy.

UPDATE: Nevermind, Pacman Jones isn’t signing with Winnipeg afterall.  No word on the status of the Charles Rogers negotiation.  Apparently, the Blue Bombers decided they didn’t want Pac yesterday and could have been influenced by his Ustream chat from yesterday.  I watched it, or part of it.  He thought he was going to the UFL.  America couldn’t afford to lose a great mind like his anyway.

Tags: CFL, Charles Rogers, football, Pacman Jones

Canada Good Enough For Pacman

'What the hell is a mountie?'

After he couldn’t even get an invite to an NFL team’s training camp, Pacman Jones is reportedly headed north of the border to join the CFL.  The team has not been specified, but a deal could be in place by the end of the week.  A few days ago, someone mentioned to me that Canadian strip clubs were supposed to be great, but apparently some people disagree.  I guess now we have our definitive answer.  Canadian strip clubs are good enough for aficionado Pacman Jones, so they should be good enough for you.  Feel free to use that quote in your travel brochures, Canada.

Pacman’s attorney, Worrick Robinson, said “If the CFL deal works out, it will be a good opportunity for him to get back on the field and show what he can do.”  Obviously, getting back on the field and showing what he can do are two separate actions.  I’m guessing his lawyer meant the CFL is a great chance for him to play football again, but also a great chance for him to show how skilled he is at screwing up opportunities and team chemistry.  ”Showing what he can do” likely referred to attending strip clubs, making it rain, gun possession, getting into fights and getting his hair braided.  I seriously doubt it had anything to do with football.

And while I’m talking about him, you may be wondering why Pacman’s attorney is talking like he’s Pacman’s agent.  I wondered the same thing until I realized, why wouldn’t he be?  First, the attorney wants to get paid too and he knows Pac won’t have enough to keep him on retainer unless he gets another job.  Second, being Pacman’s attorney must be what all law students aspire to.  The ideal progression must be DA, State Supreme Court judge, Federal judge, U.S Supreme Court judge, Pacman Jones’ attorney.  Robinson has probably spent more time with Jones than his own mother has.  Well, that might be obvious.  Robinson has probably spent more time with Jones than his weed connection has.  Yeah, that sounds better.

UPDATE: When I said the team hadn’t been specified yet and a deal might be in place by week’s end, I meant Pacman has signed a 1-year deal with the Winnipeg Blue Bombers.  I can see where you might not have gotten that though.

Tags: Canada, CFL, football, Pacman Jones

Witness Pacman’s Highlight Reel

This video obviously speaks for itself, but I will say a couple things.  First, rap producer Jermaine Dupri, who can be seen and heard shouting instructions to the ‘dancers’ from the DJ booth, should shoulder more of the blame for this incident.  He should also shoulder more of the blame for the rest of the world’s problems because, well, that guy sucks. 

Second, I will never, EVER, get tired of newscasters saying ‘make it rain’ in their serious, dramatic, dulcet tones. 

Tags: football, NFL, Pacman Jones

Quincy Carter Still Living The Life

Quincy now celebrates scoring weed this way

Former NFL QB Quincy Carter made headlines again on Friday when he was pulled and arrested for drunken driving and marijuana possession.  See, I always said this guy had all the makings of an NFL player. 

In some stellar reporting by the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, we learn that this is “at least” his third time being charged with marijuana possession.  The paper also claims the Cowboys have made the playoffs “at least” 3 times and if you order now, we can grow your penis “at least” 3 inches. 

Carter is already 31 but is struggling to stay in football.  He played in the now defunct Arena League last year and his involvment means he is ineligible to play in AF2 this season.  You read that correctly.  Players that participated in a league that doesn’t currently exist can’t play in the only other similar league because it’s a lower level.  That would be like MLB telling Manny Ramirez he can’t play for the Giants because he played in the playoffs last year.

Carter is expected to continue to waste his God-given talents and has already reached out to others that share his predicament.  He, Pacman Jones and Amy Winehouse will soon be forming the most deadly alliance the world has ever known.

Tags: Arena Football, NFL, Pacman Jones, Quincy Carter