PETA Doesn’t Understand Hockey

At some point, bats are going to learn to stay the hell out of our sporting arenas, but until then we can all enjoy these wacky videos of athletes slaying the winged beasts.  All of us except for people associated with PETA.

Considering this is a junior hockey team and won’t capture nearly as much attention as say, Manu Ginobili, PETA is merely morally perturbed rather than outraged at the bludgeoning of an animal.  The next time a bat comes to pay the Green Bay Gamblers a visit, might PETA make a suggestion:

Tori Perry of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says the team should have tried to net the animal and release it.

Clearly, Tori Perry has never seen a hockey game.  She probably heard someone say something about the net and got the wrong idea.  Hockey players don’t play with nets, Tori, that’s lacrosse.  Hockey players have sticks and sticks do the job as long as the job is slapping a puck, bashing the Irish or clubbing defenseless animals.  Nets, on the other hand, aren’t nearly as versatile.  The NBA’s Nets can barely even win a game.

A fear of rabies was sited as the reason the players attacked the bat so passionately and I wonder if PETA would be as appalled if one of the players had simply let the bat be and was subsequently killed by rabies.  Is that not animal on animal crime as well?  And what about that chimp that disassembled that woman a few months ago?  Where are you on that one, PETA?

Bootlegged from Puck Daddy

Tags: Hockey, PETA

Donte Stallworth Drives Race Cars Now?

I don’t speak Spanish, or whatever this language is, so I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure I heard that guy say “jabber jabber jabber Donte Stallworth jabber jabber.” 

Also, I think that’s Leonard Little in the passenger seat.  But the horse didn’t have the right of way, and I bet he was a prick anyway.  Did you see how those other horses didn’t even try to pull him back when they saw the car? 

Seeing as how this short clip is about a million times more entertaining than horse racing or NASCAR, I say they combine the two, add alcohol and load up the fireworks.  Someone tell PETA about my great idea.

Bootlegged from Deadspin

Tags: Donte Stallworth, Leonard Little, NASCAR, PETA

Riling Up PETA and a Townie Fight Just For You

Here we have a couple of videos that are making the rounds today.  First up, former NBA legend Clyde Drexler wants you to know that Yao Ming scoring against Andres Nocioni is like “clubbing baby seals”.  Take that PETA, you just can’t stop the verbal animal abuse.  Hateful similes like that make a man feel alive.  I hear tonight Kenny Smith is going to throw out a metaphor comparing Ray Allen’s jump shot to drowning kittens.  I can’t wait.

Our second video gives you some insight into the mind of a couple Massachusetts high school basketball scorekeepers.  I shouldn’t have to say much here since that title and this video should say all you need to know.  If you’re a high school basketball scorekeeper in Massachusetts and you get so riled up that you have to throw water or punch a guy, you’re obviously an idiot.  There, I spelled it out for you.  Also, what kind of bitch fight was that.  The guy that threw the water just sat there while he got punched, then just went back to watching the game.  This really should’ve escalated.  Now it just reflects badly on the entire state of Massachusetts.

Tags: Andres Nocioni, basketball, Clyde Drexler, douchebaggery, high school, Kenny Smith, NBA, PETA, Ray Allen, Yao Ming

NBC, PETA Have A Suck-Off

 
Hot Chicks For a Stupid Cause!

NBC has rejected the above Super Bowl commercial by PETA.  Usually when PETA doesn’t get their way it makes me laugh out loud with a mouthful of steak, but this just pisses me off. 

NBC didn’t reject the ad because PETA sucks.  This is the network that brought you Friends.  They rejected it because it was too sexy.  Yep.  Some cunt named Victoria Morgan at the No Boobs Channel (See what I did there?) thought it depicted “a level of sexuality exceeding our standards.” 

Let it be known that anyone named Victoria obviously has small breasts and a perpetual period.

You want to know who’d never say anything like that, or reject an ad with this many hot chicks in underwear?  FOX.  I’ll have to go paper cut my penis and poor lemon juice on it now for defending FOX, but it’s true.  They put sexier things than this on their local news. 

As far as the “vegetarians have better sex” thing, I’m not all that sure.  Maybe they have more cucumbers laying around… But as always, I’d rather be with a chick that just wants a mouthful of meat.  Bliggity Blam.

Tags: football, FOX, NBC, PETA, Super Bowl

Jesus F’ing Christ… Are You Serious?

PETA Out-PETA's Itself

This week Spearfish High School in South Dakota received a letter from Pulin Modi of PETA requesting that they change the name of the school from Spearfish to, no shit, Sea Kittens.  Fucking Sea Kittens. 

Look, I’ve heard of a lot of stupid ideas in my life.  Like “Let’s put Tim McCarver on national T.V.,” or “Let’s have the Crocodile Hunter swim with sting rays!”, or my personal favorite, “We should get married.”  But I think PETA just blew all the previous competition out of the water. 

It isn’t like the name of the school mascot is the Spearfish.  The entire town is named Spearfish, which was named after the creek it was built on in the 1800s, which was named by the Sioux Indians about an eternity before that, who hunted fish in the creek TO SURVIVE. 

And seriously.  Can you imagine being 17 years old, putting on your Sea Kittens jersey, and then getting the piss beat out of you by your competition, and then your fans, and then father, because you wore a fucking Sea Kittens jersey.  So I see right through your scheme PETA.  You know damn well that the abuse served up to every student at Sea Kitten High would force each and every one into a life of faggotry equal to that of every member of PETA. 

When I was in 10th Grade I had a dream of attending Sea Kitten High… but it included bottomless coeds and me waking up in sticky sheets. 

(Editor’s Note):  I would absolutely abuse you, beat you, eat you, and wear your hide, in case you wondered.

Tags: high school, PETA, Sea Kitten, Spearfish