What Will Pau Gasol Do For Fifty Bucks?

Phil has made his point. (puts $50 in the pot, exits quietly)

The Lakers have apparently built a reputation around the league for not taking charges.  Phil Jackson thinks that needs to change so he’s instituted a $50 per charge taken policy that reportedly dates back to last season.  Interesting that no one bothered to report on it when it started.  Also, interesting that so many people are coming out saying it could make a big difference in the Lakers attempt to capture a second consecutive NBA title.  See, even though they won last year, they were still known for not taking charges.  They haven’t been taking charges in this year’s playoffs.  Ron Artest “doesn’t know how” to take a charge.  Phil Jackson says his team consists of “thin chested” guys, which might be a reference to their charge taking ability or perhaps something more sinister.  The point is that this policy has been around and it hasn’t really changed the team’s style.  Maybe because the players make more than $100k per game just for showing up.  Why live with the discomfort of a floor burn just to get tip money for the valet?

So clearly I think this story is overblown, but still worth mentioning here.  Why?  Because for one, I thought I needed to mention that $50 is still a nice chunk of change for me…you know, considering this site isn’t garnering the buyout offers of some of it’s contemporaries.  Would I let KG step on my face for $50…sure.  Could Rajon Rondo knee me in the groin for a Grant…yes.  Can Paul Pierce piss on me for half a C-note?  Well, no.  Ray Allen, maybe.  The point is…I forget.  I will do things for money?  Sounds about right.  Does that make me a prostitute?  looks up prostitute in dictionary Evidently it does adjusts man-thong.

NBA players will also do things for money, but it takes soooo much more.  The conversion rate between what you could pay me to do and what you’d have to pay Kobe Bryant to do the same thing is astronomical.  Similar to the exchange rate for me to do something and gigolo extraordinaire Gerardo to do the same, but with a spicy Latin accent.  Damn you, Gerardo.

But, NBA players are tempted by something Gerardo is not…bragging rights.  What would incite the Lakers more than a cash payout of less than $5-g’s?  A cheap-ass trophy that said ‘World’s Best Flopper’.  If you’ll allow me to reference Gerardo once again, he holds a similar title.

The Zen-Master could give them anything.  An extra half-hour on road trip curfews.  The first choice of seat on the team plane.  A free punch on a blind-folded Kobe and a promise of anonymity.  It would all work.  But apparently being creative and imaginative is no longer in Phil’s wheelhouse.  He’s been in LA too long.  Now when there’s a problem he throws money at it instead of hurling non-Western philosophy and gibberish.  Incidentally, I skipped an entire semester of classes in Non-Western Philosophy and Gibberish in college.  I still passed though thanks to Billy Madison…and Wang Zhou’s inability to cover his scan-tron.

Tags: basketball, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA, Pau Gasol, Phil Jackson

NBA Bottom 5

How about the stories around the league this week?  Phil Jackson missed a game because of pain in his legs.  Funny, I guess I forgot he had become a player-coach.  The Knicks signed Mouhamed Sene because they are “desperate for blocks”.  They’re already out of the playoffs.  They sound like they’re run like my fantasy team.  Those stories and worse didn’t make the bottom 5.  Strap yourself in…

5. End of Regular Season- Each team has about 4 games left to play before the playoffs, which means we’re only a few months from the end of the 2008-2009 NBA season.  It also means the end of the NBA Bottom 5.  Sure, we could continue through the playoffs, but meanwhile the MLB has been getting a free-ride without anyone calling them out on their crapulence.  Now is including the end of the NBA Bottom 5 in the NBA Bottom 5 egotistical?  Yes, but it’s at number 5, so it’s not overly egotistical.   

4. Zaza Pachulia- This picture says it all.  Go ahead and soak that in for a while.  Nothing about that is good for the NBA.  If the league folds before next season, historians will trace the root of the problems back to that photo. 

3. New Orleans Hornets- The Hornets are somehow experiencing prosperity in a poor economic climate in a poor city called New Orleans.  They’ve had a record number of sell-outs and are getting tremendous support from sponsors.  They’ve also decided to take the league’s bail-out loan “just in case”.  It’s actions like this that make people root for the hurricane.

2. Scot Pollard- Cheryl Miller was putting on her trademark unbearably unwatchable routine and ripping Pollard for showing up late for their studio show.  And Pollard didn’t get a single decent shot back at her. Miller isn’t exactly the hardest person to rip, Scot.  You played in the NBA for years, or at least you were a part of plenty of teams.  You had to have heard some gems from teammates in the locker room.  Show some backbone and flame Cheryl Miller already.

1. Andray Blatche- He hasn’t been able to beat out JaVale McGee and get consistent playing time for one of the league’s worst teams.  There are stories about his unprofessionalism all over the Internet, like when he was seen eating a huge plate of nachos before a game because he assumed he wouldn’t play.  But now, he seems to have topped himself.  He’s throwing an end of the season celebration on Sunday, which is the night before the Wizards’ last home game, which is a couple games before their actual last game.  Not only that, but Bootlegger Sports has yet to receive our invitation.  For shame, Blatche.

Tags: Andray Blatche, Bottom 5, Cheryl Miller, Mouhamed Sene, NBA, New Orleans Hornets, Phil Jackson, Scot Pollard, Washington Wizards, Zaza Pachulia