Rasheed Wallace
NBA Bottom 5
We’ve hit the doldrums of the NBA season. We’re past the trade deadline and the All-Star break and the excitement of a new season wore off months ago. Half of the league is already thinking about positioning itself for next year, while the other half is thinking about how to screw the half that’s thinking about next year. There’s plenty of awfulness to go around this week and don’t worry, there’s no Red Kerr or Larry Miller jokes.
5. Barack Obama- The newly dubbed “First Fan” just had to meet with his Chicago Bulls, regardless of the pain and heartache that would cause. Because of Obama’s selfishness, Joakim Noah got screwed out of a birthday party. He was instead forced to spend his off-day with the president. Noah did get the joy of hurriedly opening presents with his family in the deserted seats of the Nets’ home stadium before being loaded onto a bus. What more could an NBA superstar and millionaire ask for?
4. Ron Artest- He called LeBron James “a new and improved version”of Ron Artest. Improved in what way Ron? Sure LeBron could end up in the conversation as the greatest of all-time and you… won’t. And sure he will most likely win a few championships, a few scoring titles, a few MVPs and many other accolades that you…won’t. But come on, Ron. Have some self-respect. I’ve never seen ‘Bron-Bron’ jump into the stands and attack opposing fans.
3. Channing Frye- He maintains an amazingly nice blog for a player who actually sees the floor quite a bit and this video is laugh out loud funny. But Frye earns a spot in the Bottom 5 this week for the blatant rip-off of Jim from The Office. Sorry, Channing, but the old look at the camera and make a goofy face has been copyrighted. I appreciate that you admit to being mistaken for LaMarcus Aldridge though.
2. The NBA- Have essentially borrowed $200-million to distribute to as many as 12 different teams to help with the costs of being a poorly run franchise. I know, how can the NBA itself appear in the NBA Bottom 5? Did I hit on some paradox here or something? Those with broken brains can call the next lawyer they see in a commercial and set-up a class action lawsuit.
1. Towels- You’re a towel. Youcost Rasheed Wallace a technical foul, an ejection and nearly a suspension. Now people are coming out of the woodwork saying ‘Sheed needs to get dumped in Detroit. What do you have to say for yourself. No, that’s not the theme to Funkytown.
NBA Bottom 5
Only three teams in the league have yet to hit double digits in the win column, so needless to say I’m pretty bummed. Rumors are already starting to swirl about salary dumping trades though, so good news fans, tanking season is just around the corner.
5. All-Star Voting- The starters for the NBA All-Star game have been announced and the bitching has begun. Stories about who should have been voted in are as abundant as stories about Obama or boobs on the Internet. Plus all the stories about injured players like Carmelo and T-Mac almost getting the nod, or terrible subs like Bruce Bowen nearly beating out Amare Stoudemire. Not that Bowen is that bad… he’s worse, plus he’s old.
4. Rasheed Wallace- ‘Sheed isn’t exactly lighting it up lately, so his post-game interview request are down. Way down. So naturally, he would feel the need to snap Jason Maxiell’s neck for stealing his gig. Or at least try to… failed again eh ‘Sheed?
3. Memphis Grizzlies- Let the tanking begin! Marc Iavaroni gets fired for having the 4th worst record in the league (aka one of the best starts in Memphis history). He’s replaced by interim coach Lionel Hollins, although to be fair Iavaroni was a glorified interim coach himself. Hollins is a stellar 18-46 for his career, which means the Grizz are headed in the right direction. that direction is another lottery pick by the way. Also, Avery Johnson became the first name coach to reject Memphis today. So we get to look forward to every other available coach with experience shooting them down too, and then they’ll settle for… Lionel Hollins!
2. Vinny Del Negro- Speaking of questionable coaching decisions, Vinny is in his first year with the Bulls and it’s looking more and more like it will be his last. And he may be dragging Chicago GM John Paxson down with him. With an 18-25 record, a first year coach would get a pass. Except if Ben Gordon is around to verbally assault that coach. Damn straight Ben, who is this guy who dares fine you for being late? Oh right, your coach… for now.
1. Stephon Marbury- He’s becoming a mainstay in the Bottom 5 thanks to the recent comedy of errors that is his career. Everyone thought he was going to Boston, but no. Then the talk was that Olympiacos in Greece was interested in his services, but no. And it gets worse. Not only have they decided that they don’t need Starbury, they decided to fill the open roster spot with Janerro Pargo. That’s gotta hurt. Steph used to be an All-Star, now he’s losing a roster spot in Greece to a career 6th man. I don’t have a clever analogy to use here, but suffice it to say Marbury is probably pissed off enough to get another tatoo on his head.
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