Shaq’s Attention Tank Was On E

We’ve written about Shaquille O’Neal’s attention whoring many many many many times.  By now, you should be able to guess where I’m going when I tell you that something called Owl City made a music video and allowed Shaq to appear in it.  I had almost forgotten that the Diesel was so desperate for attention.  Thankfully, he brought his over-acting skills to a terrible, terrible music video.  It’s terrible because of the song and pretty much the entire premise, just so we’re clear.

Shaq did manage to negotiate his way into being the only actor involved, aside from the dog, to get a line.  That’s a line of dialogue, well mouthed dialogue…I assume their were other ‘lines’ available and prevalent on the set of a video for a song called “Vanilla Twilight.”  Not because I think this pussy-rock group, Owl Sanctuary was it, would reference an illegal narcotic in their music.  That would scare away their pre-teen, youth group fans.  Rather, I’m guessing being completely ripped would be the only way for intelligent adults to make it through the shoot.  Shaq does not fall into the ‘intelligent adult’ category.

By the way, isn’t the title ‘Vanilla Twilight’ awfully redundant?  You Owl Enthusiasts already roped in the abstinent vampire fans by including the word ‘twilight’.  You don’t have to entice them again with what is either a promise of fattening sweets or a promise there will be no frightening minorities.

As for Shaq, I actually applaud his efforts.  Though he did do as much as he could to draw attention to himself, I’m all for him taking silent, bit parts.  As FilmDrunk suggests, Shaq for reaction shots?  Yes, please.  Shaq for pretty much anything more substantial, no thank you.

Tags: NBA, Shaquille O'Neal

Shaq’s Latest Plea For Attention

The sheer physics of this couple baffle me

Tragic news came across the wire today as it was announced that Shaquille O’Neal and his wife of nearly 7-years, Va’Shaundya, have filed for legal separation.  This really hit me hard.  I saw Shaq on MTV Cribs not too long ago and he and his wife looked so happy together.  I just hope this doesn’t adversely affect his basketball career or his usual jovial nature.  All of those thoughts, of course, were from two years ago when these two filed for divorce.

I guess it’s possible that the pair re-united and have been trying to work things out for the past couple of years, but if you really think that then you haven’t been paying attention to Shaw recently.  He’s been doing everything he can to make headlines and get media attention.  You know, like he’s lonely or something.  That doesn’t particularly seem like the actions of a guy who has some serious domestic work to do in order to save his family.

I wouldn’t go so far to say that today’s announcement is simply another chance for Shaq to get attention and support from the public, but the mere fact that it isn’t out of the realm of possibility is telling, isn’t it?

Since Shaunnie is asking for full-custody of the kids, it looks like we’re all going to have to suffer through more of the world’s biggest attention whore’s antics.  Is there legal precedent for taking someone’s access to YouTube in a divorce?  Come on, lawyers, come through for me here.

Tags: basketball, NBA, Shaquille O'Neal

Shaq, Steve Nash and A Fairly Obvious Idea

Nash exits a 'negotiation' for the rights to the reality show

The initial reviews and impressions of Shaquille O’Neal’s reality show, ‘Shaq Vs.’, have been decidedly not negative.  For the blogosphere, if something isn’t hated, it’s tolerated.  It seems basic enough, but ‘I don’t hate it’ is about as high a rating as bloggers can give.  Well, it’s not as high as ‘raging boner engaged’ but still pretty good.  Even Steve Nash, who was given an executive producer credit on the show, enjoyed what he saw from his former teammate.  Though, he did like the show better when it was called ‘Steve Nash Vs.’

Reportedly, Nash had the original idea to make a show about competing against other athletes in their sports and told Shaq about it.  Big mistake, Steve.  It’s hard for me to feel too bad for you.  How many pleas for attention do you have to witness from Shaq before you realize that telling him about a great way to get attention will only end in him stealing your idea?  I guess one more than Nash had witnessed in February of 2008.

That’s a pretty cold move on Shaq’s part, but I’m having trouble envisioning Steve Nash in that role.  He’s a great athlete who already excels at soccer as well as basketball, but I don’t know if he can bring people in like the Big Media Whore.  Both guys are funny, charismatic and endearing, but I just don’t think Nash has a big enough die-hard following.  Maybe he could still do the show in Canada.  Who knows what is happening up there?  Nash could be the biggest star since Gretzky already and we’d never know about it.  Like how Mike Meyers has been gay in Canada for years.  See?  You probably didn’t even know about that.  Being in Canada is like being behind the Iron Curtain.

Nash was reached for comment to confirm that Shaq stolen his idea and he was understandably pissed off.  ”We collaborated on parts of the show.  I support him 100-percent.  I thought the first episode was a fantastic episode and I can’t wait for the next one.”

Ouch.  What you didn’t see was Steve making the wanking motion throughout the entire statement.  I guess it’s true what they say, hell hath no fury like a Canadian point guard scorned.

Tags: basketball, douchebaggery, NBA, Shaquille O'Neal, Steve Nash

I’m Worried About The Diesel

That's not the place to get good ideas, Shaq

Shaquille O’Neal is one of the most engaging and charismatic athletes of his generation.  Maybe not since Ali has there been an athlete who has been such an icon away from his sport.  It’s gotten to the point where I think Shaq would be famous even if he had stopped playing basketball in high-school.  I don’t mean famous like, ‘that giant guy who killed those people’ either.  I mean, he’d be a legitimate celebrity for one reason or another.  He’s still playing basketball right now and he’s still managed to work more in entertainment than Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton combined.  That’s not saying a whole lot, but still it’s his second or third or fourth career. 

Shaq’s latest project is a reality show for ABC that will pit him against other famous athletes in their chosen sport.  He’ll swim against Phelps, hit with Pujols, and box against De La Hoya.  If the series lasts too long (stifle your laughter please), they may have to start reaching for athletes and sports.  Maybe he could drink against Wells, party with Strawberry and Gooden, panhandle with Canseco, dominate media with Favre and fight hurricanes with Ditka. 

What worries me is Shaq’s reasons for being so visible.  Robbie and I recently discussed whether Shaq made viral videos and held Twitter contests and made numerous TV appearances because it was fun for him and a way to kill his free time, or if he just has an addiction to the spotlight.  I argued that he is just that guy who enjoys being around people and being goofy.  It’s getting harder to truly believe that, however. 

Shaq will finish his basketball career in the top 10 of most people’s favorite athlete list because he was a great player, was nearly unhateable and was genuinely funny in interviews and in his real life.  But what if he develops a Favre-ian habit of hogging headlines?  For him, it wouldn’t even have to be a constant threat of returning to hoops.  Just think of all the time he would have to do zany things if he didn’t have to be concerned with basketball season.  Right now, I can’t see myself being fed up with his antics, but who knows how I’ll feel when he releases his own spin on Auto-Tune the News, has a cameo in every Apatow movie and makes a candid camera style TV show. 

I think it would be best for all of us if Shaq simply faded away after basketball.  He doesn’t have to completely disappear.  I think he could be a very good analyst and could have a side project pop up every so often, but there’s no need for him to have enough material for his own channel.  Shaq can be nearly invisible, then reappear every couple of months to remind us of all the good times we had… just like herpes.

Tags: ABC, basketball, NBA, Shaquille O'Neal

Syracuse Gives Basketball Players Second Chances

Who else would you want telling you about the next disaster?

Former Duke point guard Greg Paulus’s decision to enroll at Syracuse and compete for the starting quarterback job has been well documented.  But he’s not the only basketball player using the upstate New York campus to masquerade as something he’s not.  Shaquille O’Neal started in a broadcasting class there yesterday and needless to say, his fellow students were equal parts awestruck, confused and terrified. 

Shaq is enrolled in Sportscaster U, a class that teaches athletes about the broadcasting industry.  The first thing he will learn is that he’ll have to order a special tripod if he ever wants his field reports to be shot at eye-level. 

The second thing he will learn is that no one turns down an interview request from Shaq.  He has already recorded the first on-camera interview with Paulus and stories including his NBA buddies can’t be far behind.  Imagine you’re a student in this class.  Some guy gets an interview no one in the media has had access to and he does it on the first day of class?  Then, when you turn in your story on a budget crunch in the cafeteria, he turns in a behind the scenes look at a day in the life of LeBron James.  Oh did I mention he’s 7-1 and over 3-bills?  There’s really no action that can be taken except to mask your jealousy behind a smile and a request for money and rides in Shaq’s luxury cars. 

I guess the Big Cactus doesn’t know any more than you or I what his plans are after he’s done playing basketball.  So far, he could be a broadcaster, police officer, MMA fighter, musicianrapper, actor or any he could take on any number of business ventures.  He’s like a first grader, one week they tell you they want to be a fireman, the next week they want to be president of the moon.  The obvious difference being Shaq could actually do it.

Tags: basketball, Greg Paulus, NBA, Shaquille O'Neal, Syracuse