Denial and the BCS: A Love Story

Bill Hancock, BCS Chief and spokesman for handsome cream

The BCS recently hired a new executive director who began his tenure Thursday by pissing off everyone but the two schools slated to play for this season’s national championship.  Clearly, they made the right decision on who should get the job.

Bill Hancock, who’s name naturally has some reference to ‘dick’ because it’s a prerequisite for his position, made his first act as BCS Chief by telling everyone how great the system he’s inherited is.  Cincinnati, Boise State and TCU, you’ll have to be quiet.  The Chief is talking.

I know this is not completely popular, but I believe in it.  I believe it is in the best interest of the universities.

I’m not going to tell you again, Cincinnati, Boise State and TCU.  Hancock might as well have said ‘I know this system is terrible, but screw you, everyone, I don’t really care.’  It’s essentially the same message.

He went on to make the tired argument that “college football has never been better” so why change things?  Good point.  Afghanistan has also never been better, so clearly it’s beyond fault and now one of the elite, most advanced countries in the world.  Yep, there’s not a damn thing I would want to change about Afghanistan now that it’s better than the steaming shit-pile that it was recently.

Why is it that idiots with flawed products tend to adopt the ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’ policy while people with outstanding products adopt a ‘how much can we screw with a good thing before we break it’ policy?  For example, the BCS is better than a system where you can end up with more than one champion, so it must be the perfect system.  Meanwhile, the NCAA men’s basketball tournament is widely regarded as the greatest event in U.S. sports, so naturally the powers that be are seriously considering butchering it beyond all recognition and adding somewhere along the lines of every team that has played basketball anywhere ever. [Ed. Note: The previous statement may contain some hyperbole.]

Furthermore, why haven’t I been asked to take over as the decision maker on all of this as clearly I have the best ideas?  adjusts bowtie.  notices hole in boxers.

Back to Hancock:

The fact is what we have right now works.  Who would you ask not to be a part of this?

To which everyone within earshot replied, ‘What?’  I know there’s a sic that belongs in there somewhere, but I’m not quite sure where.  If only I could watermark the entire statement with a giant sic and be done with it.

The Chief’s nonsensical statement aside, how exactly is a system where at least one team gets screwed every year in everyone’s best interest?  The only teams happy about the BCS every year are the two that play for the national title.  And that’s not even the case this season as Colt McCoy refused to back off of his indictment of the system now that his team is in the big game, after being snubbed last season.  Kudos to you, Colt, but clearly you don’t have what it takes to win a title.  Anyone who sticks to their beliefs and morals doesn’t deserve to be associated with the BCS.  Now, Nick Saban on the other hand…there’s a BCS champion.

Tags: Alabama, BCS, Bill Hancock, Colt McCoy, douchebaggery, football, NCAA, Nick Saban, Texas

‘I Play Football At Texas’ Not Valid Legal Defense

So here’s what you probably already know: University of Texas return man DJ Monroe was pulled over and taken into custody on DWI charges about a month ago.  He was initially suspended from the Longhorn football team until someone reminded Mack Brown that they were scheduled to play for a national championship in January.  Now he’s been re-instated and I can only assume that he’s back to his old drinkin’ and drivin’ ways.

So since you already know all the information I’m churning out here, you may be wondering why I’m posting this story at all.  Well, your first mistake was reading anything underneath what may well be the video of the year.  Set aside ten minutes of your time and enjoy.

I must admit that if you take out the times Monroe tells the officer that he plays football at the University of Texas and the times he’s puking in the officer’s car, you’re left with nothing but ‘yes sir’.  That’s the kind of man that Mack Brown is molding.

Tags: DJ Monroe, drunk, football, NCAA, Texas

Texas Intellectuals Exist, Are Upset

This story is about Texas, so here you go

Last week, Mack Brown received a significant raise from the University of Texas’ regents that moved his salary from $3-million to $5-million.  This week, the nerds are crying ‘glavin!’  At a Faculty Council meeting, an informal vote concluded that the football coach’s salary was “unseemly and inappropriate.” Take that, jocks.  You may get all the attention, women and money, but the scholastic types are going to vote on whether they approve of your actions or not.  And guess what…the early polls don’t look good for you.  In a related story, another of the group’s informal votes revealed girls are ’scary and intimidating.’

Apparently, the faculty lacked the appropriate numbers to take an official vote, which would have made all of the difference in the world.  Had they been able to officially vote that they felt the contract is “unseemly and inappropriate”, those meat-heads in the athletic department would have certainly been shaken to their core and forced to make changes.  As it is, no one takes informal votes about a groups feelings seriously.

There are numbers that suggest that Brown is deserving of the $5-large extra large super sized, which makes him the highest paid coach in any NCAA sport.  For example, the UT President says Brown has brought in $6.6-million for academic programs in the past few years and the athletic department has experienced no deficits since Brown has been there.  Then there’s always the old, ‘the football team drew more than 80-thousand people to each of their home games, how many people attended your most recent lecture?  Not even everyone who paid to be there.’

Also, consider that division-one college football teams average, say, about 5 arrests per calendar year.  If you think that sounds high, remember that it would be about 1 per calendar year except for the inclusion of Ohio State and the Florida schools.  Considering Brown routinely takes these at risk youths and uses them to make money for the school and then puts them into some of the highest paying jobs in the nation, I’d say he’s worth every penny.  If faculty members were as efficient as Brown, maybe I’d be shopping for my third Rolls Royce today instead of stealing ketchup packets for dinner.

Tags: football, Mack Brown, NCAA, Texas

Oklahoma Promises They Deserve Your Vote

OU defenders almost make a tackle...so that should count.

The University of Oklahoma lost for the Red River Slopfest this weekend to Texas, which brings their record to a pedestrian 3-3.  They have no Sam Bradford, no Jermaine Gresham and their performance on the field has been far from what most expected to see from the defending Big 12 champs.  Still, things aren’t so bad round Norman way, just ask the Sooners.  Specifically Senior Associate Athletics Director Kenny Mossman, who made sure every AP voter in the country received this email following Oklahoma’s loss to Texas.

Oklahoma’s three losses …

· By a total of five points.

· All on neutral or road fields.

· All versus ranked opponents.

I’m assuming Mr. Mossman meant to add that OU’s three wins have all come at home against unranked, non-FBS, non-BCS and/or non-Robert Griffin having teams, but he must have accidentally hit ‘Send’ before he had the chance.

Losing three games by a total of 5 points to good teams away from home is certainly tough, but does it mean you should be among the elite in college football?  Surely, Oklahoma isn’t suggesting that the fact that they can win neither close games nor games on the road should make them one of the 25 best schools in the country.

AP voters seem to think that does qualify them for a spot in their rankings, however, as the Sooners managed to cling on at number-25.  Of the three teams that dropped out of the rankings this week, South Florida, Notre Dame and Nebraska guess how many have both fewer losses than Oklahoma and more wins on the road.  Go ahead and guess.  I’ll give you a hint, it’s slightly more than none of them and exactly all of them.  Oops, that kind of gave it away.  In fact, Nebraska has a win over a ranked Missouri team and South Florida’s only loss is to #8 Cincinnati and they have a road win over a ranked Florida State team, who also has a road win over ranked BYU, who beat Oklahoma.

I’m not saying that Oklahoma doesn’t deserve to be #25 in the country…I mean, they don’t but that isn’t my current argument.  I’m just saying that they don’t deserve to be pandering for votes.  If you go by Norman, Oklahoma, you can actually see the entire athletic department on the street corners with cardboard signs that read, ‘will work for AP votes…just not on the road.’  And that’s not right.

When the Sooners find a way to win away from Gaylord Memorial Stadium, they can go back to reminding us all how they failed to win all those close games earlier this season.  Until then, maybe they should sit the next few plays out.

Tags: Big 12, douchebaggery, football, NCAA, Oklahoma, Texas

Good Morning Dave Bliss

Did you get the Saved By the Bell reference?

At 9AM Tuesday morning, about 100 coaches gathered to hear a speaker at the annual Texas High School Coaches Association convention.  The message was simple, don’t pay your players illegally…but if you must, don’t let them murder each other…but if you do, don’t tell anyone about paying them.  Sage advice from a man who has seen more as a basketball coach than John Wooden or Coach K.  Former Baylor men’s basketball coach Dave Bliss is the only NCAA basketball coach who can dispense advice on that particular subject so he’s doing what he can to ensure that he continues to monopolize that small area of expertise. 

Bliss seems like a strange choice to speak and advise a room full of high school coaches considering he’s been blackballed from ever coaching in the NCAA again and nearly destroyed an entire program.  That dark time has given him great perspective though.  When other, less experienced coaches hear people talking about how wrong it is to cheat or cover up a murder, it doesn’t make a big impact because those dispensing the advice haven’t gone through anything like that.  Bliss has the resume to back up his talk, so coaches listen. 

After the conference, one coach might have spoke about the impact Bliss had on him. 

You know, I saw what happened at Baylor and was thinking, maybe I could pay some mediocre players and lie about them when one turned up dead.  That seemed to have put Dave Bliss on the map, really made a name for him.  But, after what he said today, I think that might be a bad move.

Plenty of people will be hesitant to forgive Bliss.  He created a toxic environment that led to the death of one of his players.  The blame rests on his shoulders for the same reason that blogs are being blamed for the Erin Andrews peephole video.  Only, blogs haven’t told people that it was probably Erin’s own fault for standing around naked so much (is it too late for that?). 

But Bliss is doing all of the right things now.  He’s spreading his very specific message of enlightenment to other coaches who may be considering going down the dark road that only one man has been down before.  His speech had such a profound impact, the Texas High School Athletics Association has used its message in this year’s slogan: ‘players murdering players is frowned upon.’

Tags: basketball, Baylor, Dave Bliss, high school, NCAA, Texas