Ty Lawson is the Winner

Behold...the perfect tweet.

Twitter has been around for too long a couple years or something but it took until a couple hours ago for Ty Lawson to put on a clinic of how it should be used.  The message in the banner pic was released unto the world a couple hours ago and everyone else should stop trying because you’ll never top it.  Twitter is over folks.  Ty Lawson won.

Now I don’t know Ty Lawson and I certainly don’t have any idea what kind of stroke he’s working with…and even if I did I would have long ago accepted a large cash settlement in order to keep those type of details out of the media.  Still, 17 minutes sounds reasonable enough.  But it’s three minutes less than his typical playing time per game with the Nuggets.  I can’t tell you exactly how the two correspond, but it seems like a good stat to pass along.  My only hope is that ESPN will show us a graphic next season comparing player’s typical playing time to how long they typically ‘last’.  I putting Adam Morrison’s ratio as the most likely to be closest to 1:1.

Lost in this Kardashian Blessing theory is the fact that Kourtney, arguably the hottest Kardashian, has never won anyone anything.  Unless you count winning that douchey husband(?) of hers a baby, which I promise no one  male counts.

Dear Kourtney, drop the zero and come win me a Pulitzer.

I’d love to write more, but unfortunately it would take someone much funnier to improve on Ty Lawson’s original message.  Someone like Ty Lawson.

Bootlegged from The Big Lead

Editor’s Note: I realize this was two Twitter-related posts in a row, so to apologize please accept this small collection of Kim Kardashian justification.

Tags: Denver Nuggets, Kim Kardashian, NBA, Ty Lawson

Ty Lawson Got Paid

Ty reacts to seeing 'Little Joe' after betting 'Hi-Lo-Yo'

North Carolina point guard Ty Lawson has dominated headlines the entire NCAA tournament.  First, all anyone talked about was how he missed the Tar Heels’ first game with a toe injury, then they wanted to talk about how he came back from that injury, then they wanted to talk about him being the best player in the tournament.  None of that talk has stopped really, but at the Final Four there are many stories to uncover.  Tywon evidently started feeling a little left out and forgotten so he found a way to get back in the news.  He walked around flashing his giant wad of bills he won from a Detroit casino. 

Lawson arrived in Michigan with his team Wednesday night and immediately headed for the Greektown casino to play some dice.  A short time later, he walked out with $250.  And somehow, this isn’t an NCAA violation. 

Someone might want to check the rulebook again.  It was my understanding that anytime a collegiate athlete came out ahead on anything, they were violating NCAA rules. 

Get paid for a job you didn’t show up to?  That’s a violation.

Get a winter coat from your coach?  That’s a violation.

Get to sit next to Toby Keith at a basketball game?  That’s a warranted violation. 

And those are just the University of Oklahoma’s infractions.

Lawson is of age and he wasn’t gambling on college sports, so I don’t have any problem with what he did, but it amazes me that the NCAA agrees with me. 

Lawson says he’s gambled on many of his teams road trips and won nearly every time.  There’s no chance he’s winning legitimately, right?  I mean, either he’s the luckiest bastard greatest gambler of all time or the casinos allow him to “win” and take home cash in exchange for him showing up. 

It’s an under the table appearance fee.  It has to be because based on an extensive amount of research, I can tell you that no one wins at craps.  I’ve done the leg-work on this one.  All the “very special episodes” I’ve watched have taught me that gambling is evil, especially craps.  You’ll start out winning and everyone will be cheering and somebody will be telling you to quit while you’re ahead, but then you’ll play one more time and lose everything.  Also, you may learn a lesson about the dangers of sex and alcohol.

Anyway, NCAA President Myles Brand says while gambling isn’t against NCAA rules, he’d like to discourage it.  You should probably translate that to: ‘gamblers, take Villanova because I’m not letting Lawson get away with this.’

Tags: basketball, Final Four, NCAA, North Carolina, Ty Lawson