West Virginia Doesn’t Revere John Wall Properly

In case you didn’t know, Kentucky freshman point guard, basketball messiah and dance inventor, John Wall, is the greatest thing that ever happened to anyone anywhere.  There’s been a fervor over his time at Kentucky led by hyperbole spewing talking heads that was tragically cut short when West Virginia upset the Cats in the East Regional Final.

Being that they’re representatives of both the state and university of West Virginia, no one expected the Mountaineers to celebrate with respect and honor after the win.  Still, their mockery of John Wall’s trademark dance move and Demarcus Cousins’ less hyped but probably more ready for the pros dance moves were a little out of bounds.  People in Lexington have been treating Wall like a deity since before he arrived on campus.  Mocking him would be like mocking Jesus after your frat team knocked off the FCA team in intramural basketball.  Or, it would be kind of like Kentucky players pretending to drink moonshine out of jugs with three ‘x’s and then marrying their cousins had they defeated WVU.  It’s all great fun, but it’s a little disrespectful.

I actually watched this video yesterday and witnessed Da’Sean Butler and John Flowers torching Wall’s demigod status.  I wouldn’t have posted it here except that sometime between then and now, some enterprising young person added the John Cougar Mellencamp soundtrack and I fell in love.

Someone other than me buy Bryan a shot for the tip.

Tags: basketball, Da'Sean Butler, Demarcus Cousins, John Flowers, John Wall, Kentucky, March Madness, NCAA, West Virginia

West Virginia Fans Actually Got Worse

Tags: basketball, douchebaggery, NCAA, West Virginia

W. Virginians Asked To Stop Being W. Virginians

You wouldn't ask the sun to stop shining

The West Virginia men’s basketball team captured a big home win over Ohio State this past Saturday, but in turn may have lost…THEIR SOULS!  Ha, somebody is actually nodding his head in agreement right now.

The Vice President for Student Affairs at WVU, one Ken Gray, sent out a strongly worded email informing the Mountaineer student section that their ‘inappropriate language’ was completely unacceptable.  This of course leads to the question, what exactly is inappropriate language at a basketball game?  Because swearing is definitely appropriate.  Especially when that goddam ref can’t get his f*cking head out of his ass long enough to make a motherf*cking call!  It’s bullshit!

Gray’s logic really falls apart when he suggests that the students “follow the example of our players.”  We should be, uh, taller?  Darker?  Swear more?  I’m confused.  We should be getting paid to be here?  Agreed.  Ken Gray for President…for Student Affairs.

He also asks that students “show fans nationwide what it means to be a Mountaineer.”  Although I guess that plan may not include mandatory cursing, it most definitely includes moonshine, teenage pregnancy and impressive facial hair.  The swearing issue would be moot I suppose since everyone’s mouth would be filled with ‘tobaccy’.  Still, I wouldn’t expect that that would be an ideal image to show to the nation.

At the end of the day, WVU hired Bob Huggins to be their head coach so they’ve made their own bed.  You can’t expect the student section to be more collected and proper than your head coach.  Well, obviously you can, but I don’t expect it will work.  So Gray’s proposed “fun and friendly atmosphere” at games isn’t likely to come to fruition any time soon.  Ironically, if it did, Huggins would be promptly fired as it is damn near impossible to win games when your student section is congratulating the visitors for their hustle.

Tags: basketball, NCAA, West Virginia

Old Man is Glory Hog

I lobbed it up there, now you make a hole-in-one joke

A 70-year-old retiree in West Virginia played a round of golf earlier this week.  Oh, is that not news?  I thought it was rare for a West Virginia native to be able to count high enough to play golf.  No?  Well, my mistake then.  How about the fact that this geezer aced back-to-back holes?  How does that grab you? 

Carl Smith  picked up a hole-in-one on consecutive holes while playing at Charleston’s Coonskin Park (ugh West Virginia) Par 3 course.  He aced a 70-yard hole and a 100-yard hole, which sounds to me more like miniature golf than real golf, but given his age I’ll let this one slide. 

‘Oh, you got a hole in one, Grandpa?  Really, avoided the windmill and everything, good for you.’

This isn’t even Smith’s first hole in one.  What the hell is going on here?  Do you know how many aces I’ve put on my scorecard?  Well, probably a dozen or so, but none of them were legit.  And I must play 2 rounds a year. 

Someone as dedicated to the game as I am deserves some satisfaction and with old men in West Virginia hogging all the holes-in-one, how am I going to get it? 

By the way, it’s my theory that nature only allows a certain number of aces per year, and with the Master’s Par 3 tournament coming up next week, I’m afraid we may hit our limit before May. 

Smith has only been playing golf for 10 years and bought his set of clubs for $5.  Also, he must have sold his soul to the devil.  Oh, he lives in West Virginia, never mind.

Tags: Golf, West Virginia

BS March Madness Preview- The Midwest

Wait, why didn't we let Florida in this year?

Today is the day that everyone starts ‘researching’ for the NCAA bracket pool they will be joining.  Considering ‘research’ on the Internet usually refers to looking for boobs, I can’t say I have a problem with this practice.  I do have a problem with the scores of people who will try to sway your opinion on teams by giving you reasons why Robert Morris is a great sleeper team or telling you that Tyler Hansbrough has only once scored in double figures when being guarded by more than one Hasidic Jew, so upper hand to Radford.  Now that you know how much I hate that, let’s get started. 

1. Louisville- Rick Pitino likes to wear white suits with dark underpants.  The NCAA doesn’t take too kindly to public indecency.  You think it was a coincidence that Kentucky won a title the year after Pitino left?

16. Alabama State/Morehead State- This game features the greatest college chant since ‘Let’s Go Peay!’.  I think I speak for everyone when I say, we want Morehead.  Sorry Hornets, I’m sure your liberal arts program is top notch.

8. Ohio State- If they are anything like their football team, they’ll win on buzzer beaters and then get beat by 30 in the finals.  They aren’t like the football team though, they don’t even have Terrell Pryor.  They just suck. 

9. Siena- They are the Saints.  Do they score alot of points, play little to no defense and have some guy with a weird birthmark?  Or, do they identify more with the Siena, whoring around and occasionally starring in movies?  Why not both?

5. Utah- Mormon jokes are funny, I don’t care what those Mormon sympathisers say.  The best Mormon joke would be the Utes’ top 15 RPI.  The punchline is a first round upset. 

12. Arizona- Dick Vitale and Doug Gottleib hate you, Wildcats.  Chase Budinger did get his face stepped on, so he’s like the opposite of Eric Devendorf.  Not as big a douche, but not as much a winner. 

4. Wake Forest- My sources say that Chris Paul is not a part of this team.  My sources also say Wake Forest is not located in Wake Forest.  Take these facts into consideration.

13. Cleveland State- They are actually located in Cleveland and they beat Butler.  So… they’re capable of beating another team in the tournament… once.

6. West Virginia- Their mountain man mascot is often confused with every other man who attends games.  Do they make their own Gatorade rip-off in moonshine stills?  Of course they do.  It’s called Mountain Dew.

11. Dayton- Other teams in their region will play in Dayton.  They will play in Minneapolis.  It’s OK though, because they are the Flyers… that joke brought to you by the Dayton board of tourism who reminds you that Dayton is where assholes from Cincinnati and Pittsburgh come to fight. 

3. Kansas- They won last year, but they aren’t dicks like Florida, so most of that team is gone and they won’t repeat.  That only leaves 64 other possibilities.  You can thank me with cash. 

14. North Dakota State- It’s their first ever NCAA tournament.  What better way to welcome them than to get their hopes up by playing a team that’s notoriously ripe for upsets.  They should miss a potential game-winner as time expires.  That’s what they get for not knowing how to pronounce ‘Bison’… and being too close to Canada. 

7. Boston College- Remember when these Catholics fired their head football coach for interviewing for another job?  God remembers.

10. USC- Southern Cal is known for 2 things, douchebags and the song girls.  I know you don’t want to root for them, but you’re going to. 

2. Michigan State- Tom Izzo always takes his team farther than you think he will.  Except the years you pick them to go far, then they’ll go out early.  If you leave their game blank, the ghost of Mateen Cleaves will haunt you. 

15. Robert Morris- The school’s namesake is famous for financing the Americans in the Revolutionary War.  Maybe they should pull a them and finance the referees in a revolutionary first round upset.

Tags: Alabama State, Arizona, basketball, Boston College, Cleveland State, Dayton, Kansas, Louisville, March Madness, Michigan State, Morehead State, NCAA, North Dakota State, Ohio State, Robert Morris, Siena, USC, Utah, Wake Forest, West Virginia